Fast forward, nearly 18 years later & I find myself in the land of TODAY. Here I am, the mother of a high school Senior.

Its hard for me to believe when I look at him that he has been one of the most influential, motivational, teachers in my life - my man child. Now here he is, in his last year of grade school preparing for life outside of "the nest".

Bright, intelligent, athletic, humorous & handsome...not to mention resilient. This kid has experienced & overcome more  than most grown men in their lifetime. Instead of allowing his trials to be used as an excuse, or a crutch, he instead chose to work harder and NOT become a statistic. It would been much easier for him to take the low road with his hand out, but he sees more in this life for hiself...one day his own family. 

I often stare at him in disbelief that he is a product of me & his father. Hey, at least we did something right! He is a young man of great character, which makes me especially proud to be his Momma. 

This next year will bring big things for him. The opportunities are truly limitless!  I hope & pray God will continue to guide him every day.

Its been five days now and it all still seems so unreal. The fact that I will never see your beautiful face again, I simply cannot comprehend.

Although I my heart was hurting because I knew you couldn't be the man that I needed my love for you never lessened as the days passed us by. Had I only known Gods plan I would have held on to you longer..hell, I probably would have never let you go. I prayed many times for you to realize you couldn't live another day without me in your life. But that day never came before your time ran out.  There is no understanding that I can find as to why God would choose to take you; so young & full of life.

You were a light in this dark world. Like a magnet you drew everyone in who met you. In my heart your memory has permanently found a home. All I can find comfort in is my faith that I will one day see you again. I am struggling immensely with the regret of where we left off, but I believe that you knew the love I felt for you. I'll be with you forever in that beautiful sunrise...frozen in time.

Until we meet again my dear Gonzo, I will carry you with me. Amor Fati.

Just another hot summer night in Jacksonville, FL when my all time fave singer/songwriter/heartbreaker BJ Barham of American Aquarium rolls thru town...

How bitter sweet it is.

I don't think another man could do it for me quite like this one. As goofy as 95% of his expressions I have to say he is the epitome of sexiness, from his raw raspy voice, undeniable rockability, unique style (like a revival of the 1950's greaser subculture. HAWT!), candid sense of humor and not to mention his TATTOOS. In the company of this fella is one easy place to be. Oh the stories....

No doubt he is not only a talented musician, but a lyrical genius at that! His shows are some of the best...although now that he's been 10mos sober & found married life he is a little more "reserved" (for a lack of better terms) than he was when I first started to follow American Aquarium just 6 short years ago. Regardless, BJ - nor any of the other boys - ever disappoint when they step foot on that stage!

If American Aquarium is ever playing a show within a 6hr driving radius you can bet this groupie will be there! Creating memories (some simply the WTF kind) & singing along to every song.

Loud & Proud!

Looking forward to my August road trip. Heyyyy.....

People who really know me will often day to me, "tell me what you've been into lately?" insisting I have at least one grand story to tell. I don't know why that is...

Perhaps, I've been known to go on some last minute road trip, ending up in some random town often times with just the clothes on my back.

Eh, so?? Y.O.L.O. people!!

The last couple of months have been pretty disappointing to say the least. It happens. When that happens the recourse must be slightly drastic in nature. {Helps refocus the mind}

This morning I woke up to room service in a Hilton overlooking the beautiful Gulf of Mexico, after PROPERLY being taken care of...multiple times, 5 hour from where I just was at 9pm the night before {Not to mention conversing about interesting topics unrelated to "how much weight was lifted at the gym today, guys who skip leg day, or getting wasted}.

In this very short period I was able to enjoy FOUR things the last two months never afforded me. That my friends is the difference between real men and....well, NOT.

As my girl Sam would say, "it's life experience".

Alas, she speaks the truth. I mean, there IS a reason why they are referred to as "boy toys". Toys are fun, but they really bring no value to your life. Over time they simply depreciate.

On that note, I'll go & continue my over due spoiling! Chao for now...

~ L

I've said it a million times...people are only going to treat you the way you allow them to. Alas, even the strongest have moments of weakness.

My theory.

Our biggest problem is that we often times fall in love with a persons POTENTIAL, rather than who they are. 

Then, like the sting of a thousand mad hornets, all at once we feel the disappointment.

Sometimes you just gotta take a step back and open your eyes. The signs -like a giant flashing Broadway marquee sign - were there all along. Now plain to see. 

My Dearest G,

I defended you to those who spoke against you.

Made excuses for you.

Believed in you. 

Tolerated you. 

Loved you.

But when I started defending you to MYSELF it all became clear. Sometimes it takes reality slapping you in the face. 

A woman can only take so much. One who knows her value & own self worth takes even less! I'm done making excuses for men like you. I mean, I can't keep putting roses in an asshole and calling it a vase. You have fucked with my feelings because you are unsure of your own. It's time I wash my hands of you & me.

Take your lies. Your excuses. Your unavailability. Your bi-polar disorder. Your narcissism. YOUR BULLSHIT. Take it elsewhere.

...and your dead ass roses too!! 

~ L

You always hear men making that over used line about waiting on a woman...
I call BS on that one! You guys are just as guilty...

You make plans, talk your woman up all day...
"I miss you so much beautiful!"
"Can't wait to see your face gorgeous!"

Plans were at 6.
Here it is 8:45 and your ass STILL ain't showed up.

As I've gotten older I've realized as much as I really dislike someone being my time keeper I realize that's a two way street. As much as I have never been a patient person, I have found myself practicing it more in the last few months with you... I do believe I have finally met my match!!

You're just as unpredictable, unreliable (possibly even more), wild, spontaneous, CRAZY, bi-polar, A.D.D. as I am!

And I know this! I have actually felt sorry for the men who have felt the pain of loving me!

Yet here I am sitting looking as pretty as I always do WAITING on YOU. Your time is quickly running out, my Peruvian cowboy!..in 15min your handsomely devilish smile won't buy by our ticket out of the dog house. No sir...

At the end of a long work day - much like today's 10hr hectic Thursday - I like to think of something that makes me laugh...

It was quite easy for me to flash back to my conversation with my youngest son Cash {aka, Pistol Pete} last night as we were driving home...

Cash: "When I'm big I'm gonna be a cop. A REAL ONE."

Me: "oh yeah?!? That's cool!"

Cash: "yeah! What are you gonna be when you grow up Mom? A princess??"

Me: "A princess?!"

Cash: "yeah! Bcuz you look like one. But I better not catch you walkin' on the roads"

Me: (???)

Cash: "Bcuz them girls who walk the roads are bad and then I'd have to throw you in jail! Ain't you ever seen COPS before?"

Well, that was random...

What is his father teaching him?!?! Lol!!