Fast forward, nearly 18 years later & I find myself in the land of TODAY. Here I am, the mother of a high school Senior.

Its hard for me to believe when I look at him that he has been one of the most influential, motivational, teachers in my life - my man child. Now here he is, in his last year of grade school preparing for life outside of "the nest".

Bright, intelligent, athletic, humorous & handsome...not to mention resilient. This kid has experienced & overcome more  than most grown men in their lifetime. Instead of allowing his trials to be used as an excuse, or a crutch, he instead chose to work harder and NOT become a statistic. It would been much easier for him to take the low road with his hand out, but he sees more in this life for hiself...one day his own family. 

I often stare at him in disbelief that he is a product of me & his father. Hey, at least we did something right! He is a young man of great character, which makes me especially proud to be his Momma. 

This next year will bring big things for him. The opportunities are truly limitless!  I hope & pray God will continue to guide him every day.

Its been five days now and it all still seems so unreal. The fact that I will never see your beautiful face again, I simply cannot comprehend.

Although I my heart was hurting because I knew you couldn't be the man that I needed my love for you never lessened as the days passed us by. Had I only known Gods plan I would have held on to you longer..hell, I probably would have never let you go. I prayed many times for you to realize you couldn't live another day without me in your life. But that day never came before your time ran out.  There is no understanding that I can find as to why God would choose to take you; so young & full of life.

You were a light in this dark world. Like a magnet you drew everyone in who met you. In my heart your memory has permanently found a home. All I can find comfort in is my faith that I will one day see you again. I am struggling immensely with the regret of where we left off, but I believe that you knew the love I felt for you. I'll be with you forever in that beautiful sunrise...frozen in time.

Until we meet again my dear Gonzo, I will carry you with me. Amor Fati.